For most people, emotional intimacy and connection is absolutely necessary to thrive. So what does a person need to do when he or she has children and does not want to break up the family? What is s/he to do when s/he really needs something that his or her spouse in unwilling or unable to give?
If you want to stay in your marriage, you need to accept the lack of intimacy and have your personal growth explorations elsewhere - with friends, groups, and workshops. It is possible to accept a companionship relationship for the raising of children. Many couples create excellent companionship relationships when they are willing to let go of both physical and emotional intimacy.
One of the problems can be that your spouse would get angry and withdraw when you do not want to make love with him or her. There was no way you could feel turned on to your spouse, when there was no emotional intimacy - no sense of connection.
The first thing that needs to happen is that you need to validate your need for connection and emotional intimacy. Once you stop feeling guilty for how you feel and learn to take loving action on your own behalf, then you can see what the reality of the situation is. While your spouse is afraid of intimacy and growth, s/he might be even more afraid of losing you. When it would be seen that your spouse's anger and withdrawal no longer work to make you feel guilty and responsible, s/he might decide to open up.
The only way that you will know if your partner will open up or not is to learn to take 100% responsibility for your own feelings and needs. As long as you are trying to get your partner to change, you will be stuck feeling unhappy. It is always well worth doing your inner work to try to save a marriage, whatever the outcome. If the marriage improves - great! If it does not, you will have learned what you needed to learn to not make the same mistakes in your next relationship. www.student-wish.com |
